Ahhh, the 80s - the decade of big hair and big fashion and big concept. MEGAFORCE has all these things and we're just talking about the hero's outfit!

MEGAFORCE is a team of mercenaries outfitted with the best vehicles and weapons that the world has to offer and only allowing the very best soldiers to join up. They travel the world taking out the bad guys in total secrecy and only in the name of truth and justice and mom's apple pie. They are hired by an embattled African nation to take down a rogue tank commander who is blazing a trail of destruction across the continent, but is all really as it seems?

We're not going to beat around the bush here - MEGAFORCE is bad. For some people, it is so bad that it's good. We are not those people. We'd like to say something nice about it, but we honestly can't think of a thing. MEGAFORCE is just bad.

OK, we will say that Barry Bostwick (who would have thought that THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW wasn't going to be his campest film) seems to be having a whale of a time, hamming it up like there's no tomorrow in a ridiculous gold jumpsuit that shows off his buttocks and, erm, package to best effect in the monumentally silly array of heroic poses he strikes during the film. His, though, is a pantomime performance in a film of pantomime performances. Henry Silva's bad guy is just as pompously silly as the lead's whilst Michael Beck's good ol' cowboy takes all of three seconds of screen time to start to grate mercilessly on the nerves.

Persis Khambatta looks pretty and smiles a lot and Edward Mulhare looks like someone shoved a broom handle up his anal regions. There is not one single performance in this film that is in the region of good. Hell, they're not even on the same continent.

And whilst we're on the subject of geography, this is one confused film. It takes place in Africa (we think), but the country has an Indian as the leader's daughter, has armed forces commanded by an apparently British commander and is threatened by what would appear to be a Mexican. What is that about?

MEGAFORCE, though have nice toys. For an undercover operation, they dress flashy and have lots of bright paintwork and lightning bolts all over their motorbikes and dune buggies. These are armed with what appear to be Nerf darts with ideas of grandeur. These cause things to blow up a lot and that is passable enough. What is not passable is the worst ever flying sequence, coming right at the end of the movie. It is so awful that it has to be seen to be disbelieved. The parachuting love sequence in the middle is also utterly nonsensical.

The plot is tedious, the love story tedious, the hero and bad guy's past relationship is tedious and the whole thing looks like a rejected TV series pilot that someone mistakenly gave a budget to.

Whatever you remember about MEGAFORCE, it is wrong. The film is much, much worse than that.